Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize