This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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