Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My first STD was from a foam party
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
BRING THE BAGELS
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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