oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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