i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
