is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
