Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Randomize