GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
