YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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