I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We talked him into tasing himself.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
