Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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