someone threw a dead crab at me
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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