we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
