your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
