I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
