I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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