youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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