life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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