Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize