She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
