If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
