My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
