I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize