I think my fart just growled at me.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
