this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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