Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
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