I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
