"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
