Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
