Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
