your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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