he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
