Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Randomize
