Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
