You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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