need another drink. this is the easiest way
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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