So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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