So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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