I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
