I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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