It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
