we're chasing vodka with high fives
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
