So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
