I can feel you judging me through the phone.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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