This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
