I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
