I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
