It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
