you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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