Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
