Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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