I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
