I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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