It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
