I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
