I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I did not marry a roomba.
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