Pregnant stripper...not hot.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
