hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
