ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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