I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
