his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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