hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
