positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
