If that was your dad, he is hot
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
