It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
dude. I can hear the air.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
