3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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