I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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