im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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