oh god the rape fog is back!
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
