did you get engaged???
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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