Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
