absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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