I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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