just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
