You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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