I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
